PTSD response

Most of you know about my past, more like 7th, 8th grade era. I had a teacher who was verbally abusive and it really affected me. Most people think once your away from whatever caused you stress it slowly goes away. It becomes less apparent in your daily life yes, but those emotional and sometimes physical wounds stay with you. I've been realizing that what has happened has happened, and there's nothing I can do to unsee or undo what has already been done.

Can I move past it? I believe so. I believe it takes time.

I'm taking a personal finance class and the teacher isn't really nice at all. Now, I've had her once before and I didn't mind her, I could tolerate her but I never really liked her as a teacher or a person. I had a question on this worksheet and I was scared to ask questions because she's very direct and her approach comes off as scary. So because of that I refrained from asking her for help which probably wasn't the best idea but I refuse to ask a question and be downgraded for it. It was scary to me.

Now, I don't expect every response to be all warm and fuzzy but a response where the student feels stupid for asking a question isn't okay with me. I've been through that hell for 2 years in a row and that was more than enough as far as I am concerned. Mr O, he's the teacher who was verbally abusive and he left a deep scar that has then caused somewhat of a PTSD response to situations similar.

I ended up getting into my car on the way home I just started bawling. I was sad and frustrated but I almost surprised myself on how intense and sudden the tears came on. Ever since I left middle school I left with this fear and sensitivity towards teachers, mainly male. The approach they give means a lot to me because of the verbal abuse that occurred in the past.

I have the right to be, but part of me believes that I shouldn't have reacted the way I did because maybe I was overreacting? I know I shouldn't downplay my feelings but I can't help it. It really scared me and it's not a good feeling.

These past few days I have been noticing that I am more depressed and ED takes that to his advantage. I'm not really sure what to do about it but everything will be okay, it has to.