Please hear what I'm not saying

By Charles C. Finn 

Don't be fooled by me

Don't be fooled by the face I wear

For I wear a mask, a thousand masks

Masks that I'm afraid to take off, 

And none of them is me 

Pretending is an art that's second nature 

With me 

But don't be fooled, 

For Gods sake don't be fooled.

I give you the impression that 

I'm secure,

That all is sunny and unruffled 

With me, within as well without

That confidence is my name 

And coolness is my game, 

That the waters calm and I'm in 

Command 

And that I need no one, 

But don't believe me. 

My surface may seem smooth but my

Surface is my mask, 

Ever-varying and over-concealing.

Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and 

Aliveness.

But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it. 

I panic at the thought of my 

Weakness exposed

That's why I frantically create a 

Mask to hide behind, 

A nonchalant sophisticated facade, 

To help me pretend, 

To shield me from the glance that 

Knows. 

But such a glance is precisely any 

Salvation, my only hope,

And I know it.

That is, if it's followed by 

Acceptance, 

It is followed by love.

It's the only thing that can 

Liberate me from myself. 

From my own self-built prison 

Walls, 

From the barriers I so, 

Painstakingly erect.

It's the only thing that will

Assure me 

Of what I can assure myself. 

That I'm really worth something. 

But I don't dare to tell you this. 

I don't dare to,

I'm afraid to

I'm afraid your glance 

Will not be followed by acceptance.

Will not be followed by love

I'm afraid you'll laugh, and your laugh

Would kill me.

I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing

And that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,

With a facade of assurance without

And a trembling child within.

So begins the glittering but empty

Parade of masks, 

And my life becomes a front. 

I idly chatter to you in the suave 

Tones of surface talk. 

I tell you everything that's really 

Nothing, 

And nothing of what's everything,

Of what's crying within me. 

So when I'm going through my 

Routine 

Don't be fooled by what I'm saying 

Please listen carefully and try to hear

What I'm not saying, 

What I'd like to be able to say, 

What for survival I need to say,

But what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.

I don't like playing superficial 

Phony games.

I want to stop playing them.

I want to be genuine and spontaneous 

And me 

But you've got to help me, 

You've got to hold out your hand 

Even when that's the last thing I 

Seem to want.

Only you can wipe away from my eyes

The blank stare at the breathing dead. 

Only you can calm into your aliveness

Each time you try to understand 

Because you really care,

My heart begins to grow wings-

Very small wings,

Very feeble wings,

But wings! 

With your power to teach me into 

Feeling 

You can breathe life into me. 

I want you to know how important 

You are to me, how can be a creator-an

Honest-to-God creator-

Of the person that is me 

If you choose to. 

You alone can break down the walk 

Behind which I tremble, 

You alone can remove my mask, 

You alone can release from my 

Shadow-world of panic, 

From my lonely person, 

If you choose to 

Please choose to.

Do not pass me by. 

It will not be easy for you. 

A long conviction of worthlessness

Builds strong walls.

The nearer you approach to me the 

Blinder I may strike back. 

It's irrational, but despite what 

The books say about man 

Often I am irrational.

I fight against the very thing I 

Cry out for. 

But I am told that love is stronger 

Than strong walls 

And in this lies my hope.

Please try to beat down, those walls

With firm hands but with gentle hands 

For a child is very sensitive 

Who am I, you may wonder? 

I am someone you know very well 

For i am every man you meet

For I am every woman you meet. 

If you made it this far that's impressive! This is my favorite poem ;)