openness and honesty

My dad took me to therapy which is a rare occurrence but my mom had work so he had to take me which wasn't actually such a bad thing not really did I think it would be. On the way home I was opening up to him not being completely open but enough to satisfy him about what was talked about in session. 

I've recognized going to my dad with things or just by talking with him, I feel like I can be more open with him when it comes to emotional things. My mom's way more reactive which isn't a bad thing but sometimes it can be overwhelming because she has so much to put in. Obviously she listens too but my dad does more listening then berating with questions and concerns which is nice. 

From the conversation we were having, my dad brought up my emotionally abusive teacher. He asked me "You're going to remember him for the rest of your life, aren't you" I nodded my head in agreement. 

Four years later, I still have flashbacks of that time in my life. I have forgiven but I don't think I'll ever forget. A lot of things happened to me four years ago that will always be with me and having insecurities from that time in my life but it doesn't really stop me from living life today. 

As I've said before I started cutting/having eating paranoia and issues around that time. I truly believe not exactly him just everything happening at once and different circumstances lead me to go down the path of self-destruction. I haven't really talked about my 7th/8th grade years with anyone because it's really hard for me to talk about but I know eventually I will end up rehashing all the pain from my past leading up to why I chose the self-destructive ways I did. 

I believe I deserved to take out the pain on myself because so many other people were bullying me and I almost felt like "look this is the pain you caused." "I can hurt myself way better than you ever could" type of thinking and in a way I do think that way. 

I don't know where I'm going with this I just thought I'd talk about it because in a way it was nice having that experience acknowledged in a way that I didn't really expect.