- Say the affirmation to yourself you said to yourself yesterday in the mirror
- Allow the eating disorder voice to come up and write a conversation with yourself and ED
- What was ED saying to you when you looked in the mirror and said that affirmation to yourself?
I ate right before the exercise so that wasn't probably the brightest idea considering it's hard for me to say affirmations like that anyway. The ED voice definitely came up obviously since I just ate and I knew I shouldn't have. The nasty voice in my head was saying how awful I was that I ate willingly and that I didn't really need that food.
It was saying that I'm not going to get to the weight I want to because I'm fat. I'm just trying to be nice to myself but it will never be true. You fat bitch get yourself together and gain some self-control.
I knew it was a mistake eating right before. I shouldn't have. I knew better.
Conversation with ED
ED: What are you thinking? why the fuck did you eat when you were about to look at yourself in the mirror?
Me: I was hungry. I deserve to eat when I am hungry. That's what normal people do and I deserve food.
ED: You could have waited to eat until you really needed to
Me: I was hungry at that moment and I did the right thing. I don't need to wait until i'm fainting in order to be acceptable for food
ED: You don't really believe that affirmation
Me: I know that I don't believe it now but one day I will and that's all that matters
that last one was hard because I don't know if I truly believe that I will believe that I am good enough and beautiful. I hope I will at least partly believe it one day
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