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Friday, April 15, 2016

Day 14 #30dayfreedomchallenge

How can you honor your feelings today? Allow yourself to experience your emotions today (whatever they are) without numbing out/distracting/resisting how you're feeling.

I waited until late this afternoon to do this challenge because honestly nothing really came up for me until about 4 pm today.

I'm an introvert which all of you know by now. Therefore being/making friends with people are always really awkward which it's just who I am I can't really help that. I'm just a very awkward person when it comes to the whole friendship thing.

This friend of mine from school, the really only person who I associate with in school is absolutely crazy. I'm not just saying that, I don't even know how to explain her to be honest. She's more of an acquaintance more than anything. I've known her for 4 years and I still haven't figured her out in the slightest. Thursday the day we had school, Friday we didn't have school (thank god). She has an IEP like I do and our para asked her a question and she flicked her hand at her like a go away kind of move.

She does stuff like this all the time and I've had enough of it. Her actions to adults/people are just pure disrespect and I've had enough. She finally has lost all my respect. I can't even express how much that aggravates me. I've dealt with her beyond disrespect and her pure idiotic ways but only because she's literally the only person I have when it comes to socializing at school.

I should have done this a long time ago but this is kind of the straw that has broke the camels back. Realistically I have never categorized her as my friend but now the fact that I don't even want to associate myself with her, I have mixed feelings. It makes me not exactly sad but lonely now that I don't want to give her attention because that's what she wants therefore I can't associate myself with her. That's the only thing that makes me sad about "losing" her as an acquaintance, is that even a thing?

School is not really a worry of mine but more so just the fact that I only have two true friends that are actually my friends. 1 lives here, Lydia even though I've only known her since December and 1 who lives in another city, Erin who is awful at communication unless you are actually physically with her.

I might acting like a baby about it, boo hoo I don't have a significant amount of friends. That's not even what I'm sad about. I would rather have 2 really good true friends than a billion half hearted friend. I just don't know what my future holds with my introverted self and that's scary and makes me sad.

Is this silly or??


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