Recall when you first remember controlling your food. Do you remember why?

I know I've talked about this in my story before it's part of a workbook I have and I think it's very therapeutic for me to write this.

I remember watching a segment on E news (if you don't watch that channel it's entertainment news in the U.S.). They had this segment about a woman who suffered with an eating disorder and I will never forget what she said "It's a way for me to feel better." She suffered with depression and I wanted to feel better too. I was 13 around this time.

Around that time I never thought twice I didn't care at all and I wasn't even aware of my body in a negative way. I hear so many stories of girls who were conscious of their weight before they developed an eating disorder but for me, it was purely emotional. To try to feel better. Back then I didn't even see it as a way to control my life it was, like I said a coping mechanism to cure my sadness.

Then before I knew it it slowly grew into my need for control then I guess my weight insecurities come with the territory of the disease. It was and still very much is a coping mechanism.