First day of second semester *TRIGGER WARNING*

THIS POST IS TRIGGERING IF YOU AREN'T COMFORTABLE READING NUMBERS OR WEIGHT OR TRIGGERED BY ME VOICING MY ED THOUGHTS DO NOT READ PLEASE!

Hi everyone! Today was my first day of second semester of being a Junior in high school and it's really weird to say. My classes are alright I have my friend H in pretty much all my classes but to be honest she's more of a friend only in school type of friend if that makes sense. My friend S though she's not in any of my classes at all which sucks a lot but it is what it is I guess.

Yesterday and the Sunday before I started this semester for some reason I was having a lot of anxiety leading up to today and I'm not really sure why because it's pretty much the exact same as first semester. Also one thing that I can't seem to get rid of is the affect that school has on my eating and the "rules" I have with eating when I'm on a school schedule. Today has been the pure definition of that.

I don't even want to admit this but before Christmas break I actually wrote a contract about my eating rules during the holiday break because I would have control and feel better about myself. As you all might know I got sick throughout the break and I didn't want to be sick when it was time to go back to school. Since then I couldn't really exercise the amount I wanted to and all that I have decided to redo the "contract".

Since Christmas break was 2 weeks long this is how long I'm going to be getting back in control because I need to lose weight, I really do.

Is it sick that I spend all night last night I was looking up ways to avoid hunger/shakiness/fatigue from fasting? I just feel like I need to lose weight and gain back control because I've spent years with this eating disorder but I'm still too big. I agree that I'm not fat but I could most definitely be smaller.