Like the title says, attempting normalcy is defenitely harder than I thought. Today on Thanksgiving my family and I are going to my aunt and uncle's house at 5 and I am excited but obviously a bit nervous but I want to talk about something else for a second.
Now that the holiday's are officially here, it defenitely has brought up alot of feelings not only food related but also emotions that always come during this time of year and every year it hits me harder than I think.
Last night my mom wanted us to go out to eat because we were going to get our christmas tree and on our way we got dinner, Ihop and beforehand when we were deciding I told my mom "we aren't going heavy on dinner" she immediately asked why and I said because thanksgiving's tomorrow and she thought I was absolutely crazy that I think it's normal to not eat all up until the thanksgiving meal. I just decided I'm not going to freak out because I'm just going to work it off anyway.
I had lunch today and I just gave up on trying to control it or pick a fight with my parents because I'm just going to work it off like I said tomorrow. I just don't understand how eating is most people's favorite time of the day. I don't understand that. Then again I have to remember that it's normal to want to eat.
Whenever I eat more than expected I just always say "okay, i'm just going to eat all of it" I either eat nothing at all unless it's on my terms and if it's nor on my terms or in my control I just go all out. I don't know how to eat normally.
I think during the meal it will be okay because I have a lot of distractions with my family and all the babies so during the time that I'm there I think I'll be okay but I know after it's going to be rough and It's just something I have to deal with I guess. I've also been having a lot of hard thoughts and emotions that have been popping up and it doesn't make eating any less complicated.
I know I'll make it through, even if it's really difficult. I always do.
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