Not as lame as I thought I was

I titled this post like this because this is exactly what I said when I walked out of the Ecademy doors (online school), if any of you remember last year I was looking into this online school but I haven't really talked out about why I thought of it again until this year. Freshman year I wanted to do online school just because I thought it would be something different and it would fit my personality better and for some reason it was too late and my mom didn't want to make such a huge jump in a short period of time.

So this year we were seriously looking into the possibility for next year and we went to the informational meeting and to be honest it seems very secluded and lonely quite the opposite from what my parents and I were looking for. I thought it was going to be different then what I found out.

The "in house" days meaning you actually go to the school were 3 days a week for 4 hours but it's a come and go thing and I thought you had to be there for the whole 4 hours for the scheduled days. Pretty much there aren't many social opportunities at all like my parents and I were kind of hoping for. It's a cool set up, I like the idea of it but it's just not for me and it's not just cause of the fact that my parents think it's too antisocial I equally do as well. My mom and I kind of made the conclusion at the same time almost.

Here's the thing, I'm in public school now obviously and the "group" of friends or I should say people I hangout with aren't really people that I would like to hangout with on the weekends and have them become actual friendships. They are my friends I just don't feel like they're a good influence at all and they're nothing more than mutual kind of "I just find myself talking to you cause we see each other 5 days a week" kind of thing which is absolutely fine but I want more than mutual talk if that makes sense.

To be honest I told my mom this too, i would rather have 20 mutual friends than having nobody to talk to. I know for a fact i'm not the most social by any means but even if i'm not involved in conversations i like to here others talking to eachother and just hearing conversation is fun to me. It might take longer to find the type of person I'm looking for like a girlfriend like Erin was before she moved. I understand everybody is different but I can't help but try to find the closest thing to another Erin as possible.

I'm not as lame as I thought I was. I'm antisocial and I love my alone time but I need my alone time but I also would kind of feel lost without social interaction in school and just being around people who i'm not even necessarily talking to, just seeing people and listening to other people's conversations and my own kind of social circle I would miss believe it or not.

It's not that I'm not trying in the social aspect it's just finding the right people.

I've had this in my draft box for a couple days so sorry it took awhile to get up! I always forget that posts are in my draft :)