Today was not a very good day food wise because i was doing good until my mom made my brothers and I lunch, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with apple slices and I did 15 minutes of situps after that but I will do 15 minutes more of sit ups and i want to go running not outside because i don't like running in the cold and i also feel like people are staring at me and thinking "why is she running? She's not that good, fast etc" Last night i ran a mile downstairs i just ran laps around my basement and i have this app on my phone it's called fit bit and it tracks your steps and all that and i ran that in 21 minutes and 47 seconds which is terrible for a average person and i was kind of mad at myself but then again i haven't ran since like October or something like that. I want to run again because i after i had the lunch my mom made me i just was like fuck it to the whole plan to not eat and i had a sleeve of saltine crackers, a slice of pumpkin pie and a fruit roll up and i'm really anxious right now. The only way i can purge is through exercise because i can't purge through throwing up anymore i don't know why, i've tried many times throughout the 1 1/2 years that i haven't been able to do it put i physically can't i still have a gag reflex but the food refuses to come up which pisses me off but whatever.
A slice of pumpkin pie is 360 calories and there are 30 crackers in a sleeve of saltines and 5 cracker is 60 calories so that whole sleeve was 360 calories and the fruit roll up was 45 and gum adds up with the food as well. That sandwich and the apple slices combined was 410 calories.
This may seem weird but whenever i have a plan of not eating all day and i just have a little something i all of a sudden have this mindset of "fuck it i'll just eat until i'm full." I don't know if anyone else has this problem but i would kind of like to know if any of you do??
I wasn't even hungry after lunch, i just wanted food in my mouth but i wasn't even hungry! Ughhh i'm so pissed off at myself but i will exercise like a mother fucker tonight because i'm a fat ass.
I haven't lost weight from my lowest weight but i've just maintained that weight and fluctuates by a pound to a couple ounces. I don't get how much i'm eating and i'm just maintaining my weight. So confusing!
If anyone wants to comment on this post and answer my question or has any advice can you please do so? Thanks. Love everyone who views my blog :)
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