None of us are invincible

Everyone likes be seen as invincible from certain illnesses, until about a year ago i thought i was invincible to the damages caused by ED because it's supposed to help me right? I have heard so many cancer stories and two of them are people i've known personally, friends and even a loved one even then i still to this day say to myself "that can't happen to me."

When i was younger i had no idea what an eating disorder was nor did i have any fixation on my body size. I was just me. Once i experimented with the behaviors for awhile and suddenly got a comfort out of the behaviors was when i realized that i was playing with fire. I remember my old therapist i had from 2011-2012 told me one day "Do you want to be stuck in a place where all you do is eat and process the meal, eat and process the meal?" I don't remember what i said but i will forever remember those questions that she asked me.

Here's a list of what i personally have gone through physically from my eating problems.

• Feeling lightheaded and dizzy
• Almost passing out when standing up too fast
• Eye vision blurry while standing up too fast
• Fingernails brittle
• Dry skin
• Hear palpitations
• Feeling weak 
• Shakiness
• Sometimes have trouble walking because legs are so weak
• Feeling sick from being dizzy
• Tired all the time

These are ONLY the physical side effects. The mental side effects could easily fill up this whole post a few times over. I don't want this post to sound as if i'm complaining or whining about how terrible this is. I'm not. This is just the harsh reality of having a self-destructive coping mechanism. My therapist every session tells me he's worried about me and i roll my eyes every single time. I don't like people worrying about me.

This is my blog and my these posts are just my thoughts. I don't like the world self-pity it's pointless to me. I'm more the type of person who is sad for awhile then i come to the conclusion that this is reality and we all have to deal with reality no matter how hard we fight to disregard all reality and seep into our own self-destructive world of false reality.