Middleschool: 7th grade

7th grade. I don't even know where to start, i was in school cheer i knew it was going to be very different from competitive. I was going in with my hopes high because i was good at cheer so i thought i would finally fit and be popular like i always wanted. Little did i know that would be the farthest from the truth. In their eyes i was "weird", "not popular" and apparently you had to be popular and perfect in their eyes for them to let you in, back then i just thought they were being mean, they were ignoring me not letting me get involved or join any conversation. The worst part was the coach was totally blind to the situation. Thank god i had the cheerleading that i loved, competitive cheer. Nothing can compare to the love and passion i had for the sport. I quit school cheer after football season, i wasn't confident and apparently everyone else could see it too. This girl Sage told me that i needed to try harder. During that time i got my first therapist her name was Hayden she had dark hair and overweight that's pretty much all i remember i also had a physciatrist, the first antidepressant i was on was Paxil and one of the side effects was suicidal thoughts. October-December i'm not going to talk about. But from the Paxil it caused me to have the urge to cut. I first did it in my language arts class i was working on a project with this girl named Kendall and i had scissors in my hand and she called me crazy, at the time i did think i was crazy. Then it escalated to more depression and anxiety and cutting. That year i was diagnosed with depression, social anxiety and PDDNOS (pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified). My preschool teacher actually told my mom that she thought i had Asperger's i don't blame my mom but i do wonder if i was diagnosed earlier in my life how i would be different today. My math teacher everyday was very mean to me and honestly i don't really remember i think i kind of blocked it out of my mind. He actually was part of the reason why i cut. I wish i could tell him how much he affected me. That year Savannah moved and it hit me really hard. Then when Savannah moved i felt so alone and i was very depressed. Savannah's actually the one who taught me about God and she actually started my faith. Tara and Olivia they were both in my language arts class and they in a way honestly saved my life they came in my life at a perfect time and i can't thank them enough. We were best friends all throughout 7th grade and i loved it. I was cutting a lot then and actually the first time i cut has actually left a scar. The reminder that changed my life forever. I was watching E news and there was this girl who had anorexia and she said it made her feel better...It all started with an idea then a self-destructive action that would change my life forever.