Highschool: 9th grade

Now two years of cross addictions, depression and anxiety lost in a world of "perfection". I've become a liar and a cheater trying to save my only means of control. Three therapists later here I am in my own world. A little girl afraid of the world. Scared of the basics of life, scared of eating, scared of living and sick and tired of being sick and tired. 4 foot 11 inches and ninety-three pounds, tired of just existing can't live in a world that the only thing that matters is food on the plate and hiding bloody cuts. Spending my time and energy on counting and recounting calories and spending hours and hours exercising. Late nights crying alone with my thoughts, i want to know how to eat food again and not give a shit about how many calories are in it or if it's too much of a portion or too little. The feeling of a sharp object and not thinking of slicing my flesh. I want to know what it's like to live normally. Recovery is a really really scary concept to me, i'm not ready to recover i need a little more time with the things that keep me sane. I will fight tooth and nail to not gain weight. Maybe one day i will be strong enough to recover, i'm just not there yet. You can' have an anorexic mind without an anorexic body.