Brothers noticing my ED

Hi guys, today has been alright my mom's birthday was yesterday and we went to a restaurant that we've never went to before i'm not going to say what it's called but it's an italian restaurant and it was actually really good! I would go there again! i might even go there for my birthday it was that good. Yesterday though was a different story... it was all good up until 7th hour and i started feeling weak and like i was going to pass out but i was fine until the end of the day but once i got outside and on the bus i was nervous i wouldn't be able to make it home, turns out i did but i had to seriously focus on taking steps to not just collapse but i did make it home and when i came home i just layed on the kitchen floor for like 5 minutes than i got up and ate so i could get my blood sugar up because prior i only had 290 calories and the day before 300. After i got a couple of food items i felt better but i exercised after as always. My brother knew i was acting weird and he kept asking me if i'm okay and i said yeah and then later when i was going to get a bottle of water and he said that i was feeling like this because i wasn't eating enough and i just laughed it off but then later i was eating and he just flat out asked me if i was anorexic and i again just laughed it off and just said "no that's ridiculous". I feel bad lying about my eating habits, i feel bad that i can't just eat like a normal person. Why is it so hard? i don't understand. and then a couple weeks ago i didn't want to eat breakfast and he said "why can't you just eat?!" I just feel really bad and also today he was worried i was doing pushups and situps because i had workout clothes on. I just want to be normal. At the same time i like it, i like the way starving makes me feel numb and weak. As a way to numb my emotions it's easier to starve them away (literally) than to eat and feel every emotion i have. I don't know if i'm making sense. Whatever, i don't know what my next step in therapy is going to be but it looks like i'm right back at square one, actually finding a therapist that will work with a crazy like me.