update

Last night I was with a friend I stayed over at her dads house and it was really fun and i'm glad I went. We ate papa johns for dinner and I just had one slice of pepperoni pizza which was alright, I did have anxiety because yesterday I was doing so good I had about 285 calories but it quickly increased when I was at her house.

It's weird to see how my friends eat like normally and still be really skinny but here I am starving myself to get to where they're at. If I were to eat the amount they are day after day there's no doubt that I would gain weight. I wouldn't say that I have a slow metabolism but I don't have a fast one either I think it's somewhere in the middle.

We went to see transformers at like 9:40 at night :) haha we ended up leaving early though because both of us were exhausted we ended up going to bed at like midnight!

The next morning we had Krispie Kreme donuts! I haven't had those in forever I forgot how good those are! I had 2, that place is really busy and now wherever I go somewhere I think of how good I would be a working there because I really need to start looking for jobs. Most of my friends work at restaurants but I don't know if I would want to work in one, it's kind of gross but I guess I would do anything for money :)

I would like to work somewhere like a grocery store or something or like the ymca kidzone which at first is what I wanted to do and I think i'll stick with that cause I love kids :)

I'm leaving for a camp called Saturate it's close by where I live but we're going to be staying on a college campus which I think that's pretty cool!

I'll be gone for 6 days and I don't know how much i'll have my phone because our camp leader keeps our phones and I don't know the policy on that so yeah so that's probably why I won't be on for like a week

but if I have access I will try to get on here :) I might update tomorrow I don't know we'll see I have some fears about it so I might vent here tomorrow I have to pack tonight too

I'm anxious about the food situation but it's not like I have anyone pushing food down my throat. For a week I won't have anyone telling me when to eat and I don't know if anyone will care if don't eat but I will I have to have energy for the mission trips and stuff but I know my limits some people not realize this but eating disordered people we know our limits even if we try so hard not too. We know what it takes to stay alive. I guess that's part of the reason why we're so good at hiding it.