Small group journals at camp

I don't think I've ever given myself the time to experience God in the way other people do. Part of it is my insecurities and the other was how I was raised. My family aren't sticklers about learning about God it's more of we have our own unique reflections on God and what he does for us. I appreciate the fact they let us be our own person and never try to mold us into this vision that they have for their children. There are a lot of things I don't understand about God and the whole religious era but deep in my subconscious I want to learn and experience what he has to offer us and have his words overpower the demons that seem to be all around us. I realize now that the more entrenched and isolated I get, I refuse God's love or just a simple presence that I can't explain. The more you question your faith and what God has to offer.



God created me for...

• Helping people
• To experience life full force
• Teach me what real pain is
• Inspire people
• To relive my grandfather's dream
• Realize my potential
• Know how strong I really am
• Quiet voices have strong desires

Tuesday journal small group

I currently don't have a relationship with God, I actually didn't really think I needed to. I've always somewhat believed in him but somewhere along the way my faith get tested. Through that time when I was really struggling, I resented him for what he put me through. Prior to that I didn't really have a connection with him but I still believed in what he has to offer us in this world. During that time I decided that I didn't believe in god anymore and just live my life the way I was living and I didn't really see God as a priority, I didn't care if I believed in him or not. During middle school I was focused on getting through each day, just to keep me from completely drowning. Now I realized I pushed God away when I really need him to help me get through my recovery process because honestly i'm scared to death.


Wednesday journal small group

The gift of grace is a beautiful thing but I don't understand why God chooses to forgive me every day. I'm punishing and starving the body he created. I'm disobeying God's gift, his reason he died on the cross. Grace is a clean slate but what happens when you struggle to obey his grace and disobey him. I'm abusing what he thinks is a beautiful body, body of Christ. I'm scared. Scared that I won't find peace in his creation. How can I see what he sees in me? I don't understand. I'm thankful for the gift of grace but it doesn't mean you can abuse his gift to us. It's hard and i'm terrified to start on this journey to loving myself, my addictions seem safe for the time being and I have to lean on god a lot because i'm not sure I will be able to accept my new healthy body. Help me find the strength to fight off my demons. I'm really scared god. Please help me accept myself for who I am and I was created
by you and that should be worth any insecurity I may have.

 If you could change one thing about your behavior what will it be?

• I would change the way i'm hurting my parents and having them spend thousands of dollars in therapy.
• Trust, I'm scared to give up my trust because that means I can no longer escape using my behavior
• The way I see myself, I want to see myself as happy and healthy and it makes me sad to know that no matter how hard I try I will never be able to see my body the way others do. I want to love and accept my body the way its supposed to be, not abused. My body shouldn't be a target on a bulls-eye for self-destruction to throw itself into.

How can your identity as one in whom Christ dwells change behavior?

• So much of my identity is wrapped up in my behavior, gaining my knowledge in Christ can give me the power through him slowly change my behavior into something more healthy.

• Whenever I want to engage in a behavior or after I already did it I can regroup and think about God and lean on him for guidance and strength to not go there or have my mind retriete to doing it just one more time because one more time can turn make my destructive mind take it as I can do this every time i'm feeling like this and that's not what I want to fall back into.

• In life there will always be struggles we have to face and I as can all of us pray to God or just offer guidance to whatever you believe in to help you through. It's really important to lean on someone or something when you're going through rough times.