Journal entry: Monday July 14th 2014

Knowing who we are can be a shocking reality that we didn't really know existed within ourselves. It can be daunting to know who we really are, we've spent so long not caring about how anyone thinks about us then suddenly you realize it's important to know who you are inside and out to fully experience life and making sure your needs are met. Nothing is planned, nothing is exactly set and stone but you will always have who you are to fall back on and gain stability from your personality. Something so simple can change your whole life around and gaining perspective is the key to regain strength and push forward into a more meaningful life. I'll have to say I don't know who I am and part of me is scared to find out. There's something special to it though, there's something about finding out who you are that is almost like a whole other door is opened to a whole world of opprotunities and challenges that can get to where you want to be. I never thought this is where life would lead me but i'm 100% grateful for the outcome I've discovered and more I have yet to endure. You never know what you will find until you get to know yourself and trust the creation and preplanned human being that you are. Finding out who you are and trusting the fact that you were put on this earth for a reason no matter how big or small, it still matters. For years I've been making myself believe that I have no reason to be here. Why if god loves me why would he make me forget all the things he wants screwed into our brains so tightly? To teach us what real pain is, what true struggling means. God's goal is to what? Make humans or show us the love he so badly wants us to believe? In a way both, would I say one need is lacking? No. As god says he is, he is equal. Verbally we don't have proof but through life I guess it will happen to be true. Through the last few years, even though my faith in god isn't the most consistent I do believe everything happens for a reason no matter how bad your situation is, god makes your situation good by using you to help others and I think that's what's amazing. I'm not sure about this whole god thing but I know he is watching me and seeing i'm trying to understand him. I don't feel like I need a deep connection with him like everybody here says you need. I'm not bashing on anyone I just feel like the past 2 years without him I was struggling but probably as much as I would have if I had a deep connection with him. I'm willing to experiment and learn more though and trying is what counts right?