Appointment scheduled!

I finally got scheduled for an appointment with the eating disorder specialist! Omg.... crazy! It will be in 2 weeks. I have a lot of emotions going through me right now, i'm excited i'm scared i'm nervous but i'm actually really excited to actually go forward with this. I've always had therapists for depression, anxiety and other things but this is the first time that i'll actually have a professional help me with the problem that seems to be the most problematic for me right now. I mean right now my eating habits/thoughts are really strong and very time consuming and I've been going through a lot emotionally and it's coming out through my eating disorder. Physically I feel weak and fatigued, i'm constantly hungry and when I exercise more than once a day my heart acts up.

Whoever says anorexia is glamorous has no idea what they're talking about, it's hell on earth. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, no one deserves to feel this way.

i'm not really sure what to expect but i'm excited and nervous about it and I guess we'll just wait and see.

I have a camp to go to on Sunday and it's kind of a god based Christian camp it's at friends university and it's a high school camp where we do mission trips and things and it looks cool I mean i'm not really thrilled about the God thing but it's something to do during the summer and the mission trips sound really fun and I love helping people i'm not sure about manual labor but I guess we'll wait and see I actually don't know what these mission trips like what we're gonna be doing there so I guess it'll be like an adventure!

It's for 6 days and we stay in the friends university dorms which is cool! Also i'm kind of excited because its 6 days and there's structured meal times breakfast, lunch and dinner like normal people and no ones watching me to see if i'm eating but I will eat there I have to eat I mean i'm not going to starve myself the whole time i'm there but I don't know it just makes me happy that I have control over my food intake there.

I don't know what to expect but i'm excited to go it'll be a new experience :)

 

Demi is my recovery inspiration :)