freshman year coming to a close

Today was my last day of school and it was pretty good, boring though I had all my finals to finish and I finally finished them! I had about an hour and a half of school left and during that time I watched frozen! I literally know every song and dialogue I love Olaf! He's so cute! I'm obsessed with frozen seriously. It was definitely bittersweet I mean I remember when I was having a tour of the school like it was yesterday and now i'm suddenly a sophomore! ahh! I hate the fact that i'm getting older, when I was born until about 7th grade I was ready to grow up I wanted to grow up and provide a life for myself but from 7th grade to now i'm actually petrified to grow up I don't want to think about it because it overwhelms me and I don't like to think about it. It fucking scares me and I don't really know why really because I want to be independent but in order to be independent I have to grow up and I don't know why i'm scared of growing up if what I mostly want is independence. I'm happy with all the accomplishments I've made and the lessons I've learned throughout my first year of high school. I'm proud of myself but also I think the scariest part of this summer especially is i'm seeing a eating disorder specialist which means starting recovery and as summer is fast approaching it reminds me more and more that working on myself means recovery and it's freaking me out a little bit. I know this is what i need to do and if i keep telling myself that i think i will start to be more confident with the fact that i'm doing the right thing. As the teachers came out on the grass in front of the buses to wave goodbye and I suddenly got this wave of nostalgia because I realized that nothing is really going to be the same i'm not going to have a good solid friend around me, i'm working on giving up the thing that helps me the most and i'm growing up and i don't like all the changes happening around me. I am currently in a state of nostalgia and shock that this summer everything's going to change and i'm going to work on things that really scares me and i don't know if i'm ready physically or mentally for all these things to happen. If anyone knows any tips on all what I've talked about comment below please