recovery

Hello, I think I am very much due for an update I have a lot to talk about so if you don't want to read a long post than don't read this. These past 4 or 5 days have been filled with so many emotions that I can't really put my finger on. I had a realization about 4 days ago that I have been pushing the idea of recovery out of my mind for awhile and I realized that i'm doing more damage in my relationships that I love and cherish the most and I don't want to lie about stupid shit anymore. I feel so much guilt everytime I lie about food or sitting with my friends at lunch because I really don't want to lie, I don't want to manipulate my parents into thinking there little girl isn't struggling. the truth is I am struggling a lot and I've hit my rock bottom with this. I'm sick of hiding my identity through my eating disorder and self harm I don't want to lie so well that it scares me how well I am at hiding this. It kills me to know that they have no idea because I hide it so well. My parents and everyone around me deserve more respect and trust than that because I know all there trying to do is help me and honestly even though I don't show it i'm incredibly grateful and blessed that I have so much support from my family and friends it really means the world to me. I've been hiding my emotions and actions for so long and I don't want to do that anymore it was really ending up driving me insane and causing me stress and anxiety that I lie and manipulate everyone to the point where they don't realize how much i'm struggling with my eating disorder. I was planning to actually get advice from my therapist before telling them anything but it didn't really turn out that way, I ended up telling them a couple days ago and it was definitely more emotional and harder than I expected. I'm not really sure what I expected to be honest I don't think I really thought about that I just wanted to get my secrets out and I do feel relieved. My parents and I are going to my therapy appointment tomorrow and i'm actually having a lot of anxiety about it, I have no idea what to expect or what my therapist will say. I want help and I can't do it on my own and I think this is the right step to getting the help and guidance that I need. The problem is my parents don't really understand it because i'm not underweight i'm actually normal weight but that doesn't mean my head is normal. I want to live normally without food controlling me, I need help and I can't do this on my own. I have no idea what to expect at therapy and I think that what makes me the most nervous. I'm also nervous that my therapist isn't on my side which sounds ridiculous but i'm worried that he won't think i'm sick enough or something like that. But i'm happy that we're all going because we'll have a mediator to ya know kindof bounce ideas and thoughts off one another and my therapist will hopefully help my parents as well since he's really the only one that knows what goes in my mind every day all day. Pray for me tomorrow i'll need it and I will definitely be taking my anxiety meds! whoever has any experience or advice with recovery or asking for help can you comment below! I really need the advice!