poems

Can we trade souls?

My soul is nowhere to be found

My soul is dark and scary

I would like to switch

with a soul that is worth trading

 

 

Wasting away, bruised and broken

lost and scared please save me before

I completely lose myself

In a dangerous obsession with skinny

Please help me i'm really scared

I don't want to lose this

But I know if I keep going I will be among the living dead

Please help me before I waste away

 

 

So cold, oh so very cold

mom says because you're not eating enough

dad says put on a jacket

I say ok,

but what they don't see or don't know

is a skeleton broken body

they can't take my secret away from me

 

 

Death ends a life, not a relationship I feel that what your life and how it is kind of forms relationships with and people you move towards. If your life is bad or somehow destructive you tend to go towards those people who understand you and they make you feel less alone... if your life is happy and upbeat you move towards people that make you happy and continues to fill your life with positivity. People who have destructive lives actually know how to smile better than anyone else.

 

 

Depression feels like a thousand 10 pound weights

weighing you down

sometimes I like depression

others I hate it and I just want to be normal

Ana sits around in my head all day

she says a lot of nasty things

when you hear something said to you

for so long you start to believe it

unfortunately that's what happened to me

whoever thinks this is a choice, I just want to be thin

I would never do this in a million years if i just wanted to be thin

I wouldn't hurt my family the way i'm doing

I wouldn't hurt my friends the way i'm doing

i'm not that kind of person

 

 

blood, pooling on my skin,

the moment of numbness

the moment where you feel broken

the one and only thing that can repair you

and bring you back to life again

is a razor

 

Can't concentrate

all thoughts on when I get food

help me i'm losing my mind

 

i'm really scared

shaking and sweating

starving for food

I don't want to die

help me before I lose my mind

 

 

go home,

eat, throw up

eat, throw up

eat, throw up

scared of myself

help me before I totally lose myself

 

Diet dr. pepper

my saving grace

keeps me from eating

keeps me from disappointment

when I see all these wrappers around me

 

 

Fingernails blue

my existence slowly fading

my existence isn't worthwhile

scared of my own existence

but I don't want to die

 

 

Phone almost dead

Have to get into my other fake reality

besides music

books

 

 

I keep saying you don't understand

i'm telling the truth, maybe you try

but can't you see that isn't enough?

Do you understand what it's like to be stuck in a self-destructive mind?

do you understand what it's like to feel numb to your emotions?

do you know what it's like to feel like everything's going to go wrong

if you decide just this once

to try to be a normal human being

and lift the fork to your mouth?

Do you understand what it's like

to have the sight of blood

and the number on the scale going down

gives you a a high like an alcoholic

no, now do you see why you don't understand?

 

 

Cutting is my drug

bigger and better than any illegal drug

better to feel high like you're on drugs

than deal with your emotions

 

 

no one understands me

that's why I love people who are the same species

been lost and lonely for so long

I just want to be with people who understand

my way of coping

with this crazy world