very mind boggling day

ok so yes the title kind of says it all but let me explain... the start of the day was very I guess you could say shocking or more of a disappointment in myself, so anyway this is pertaining to my past which I don't want to get into here but it is very hard for me to explain it let alone think about and having my brain spin with details and actions I have made not only am I disappointed at myself, I'm saddened and feel immense guilt that my parents even my little brothers had to experience and that is a guilt that can never be taken away. On the other hand from that time period I have grown and learned a lot through that awful experience that I chose but the most important thing that I as well as my parents have gotten away from this is that we are stronger united as a family, daughter, mother and father and I learned so much more than I thought I would in a span of a couple months. I've learned that life is precious and should never be taken for granted, the main thing that stopped me from attempting was my parents and having them find me is a thought that I can't even imagine. I remember that exact night. I'm not going to go into the details but I remember like it was yesterday the sight of my mother sobbing tears of sadness while I was right across from her crying from me speaking about things that no parent should hear out of their teenage daughter's mouth. The phone on my bedside table, it's like Pandora's box when you open it my secrets unlatched. I'm definitely not at all proud of that time in my life but I would never wish it away because it taught me a lot and stitched a bond between both of my parents and opened a line of communication that they were so desperately longing to find. Through the thing that happened this morning which I will not mention, it brought up the anxiety and fear I felt a year and a half ago.