Lonely and upset

Last night was not as I expected, I had theatre just for practicing out makeup for the show and it ended up taking 2 hours! Ugh 2 hours for just basic makeup it wasn't even anything special so yeah that sucked. Then I stepped on glass..  I'm not going to go into the whole situation on here because later it might backfire on me whoever reads this blog but anyway yeah and it hurts like hell and can't run which sucks but whatever. I've noticed hoe messed up my perceptions are when it comes to a situation that I can't control somehow my brain switched it up to make the situation problem about food because food is something that I can control. Something that has absolutely nothing to do with food I tend to somehow always make it about food or related to my eating disorder in some way. It just shows you how messed it this whole thing is. I was going to throw wrappers away and it was dark and I stepped on glass (there's more to the story) but since I was eating and threw wrappers away  I automatically thought "you wouldn't have stepped on that if you hadn't eaten" and yeah. Also my friends are acting distant towards me and I don't really understand why.. Like when I went up to my friend Erin to tell her what happened to my foot she was just like "oh" and like making faces like she didn't give a shit what I was saying, I also takao texted one of my friends and asked if she wanted to go see divergent and I texted her about 3 hours ago and she still hasn't texted back and I know she has her phone she always has it, I also found out that she was planning to go with shirin my other friend and I don't know I just find it weird and distant and just not like her. Tomorrow I'm staying home all day by myself until 4! And Sunday until 1:30! Score! I like spending time alone but it's almost 100% related to food whether I can binge and purge all day or not have to eat all day. Part of me doesn't want to be alone and hangout with a friend but ED butts his head in and says "this is a perfect time to binge/purge/starve without getting caught! You know you want too!" So I don't know so anyway I guess through all this stuff that's going on with my friends and dad and everything since I have no control my "control" and my void to fill when my friends aren't talking to me is food and it's something that's there for me when no one else is. I don't know if I'm making any sense now okay anyway I'm going to post demi quotes tonight so stay tuned!