These past few days have been really emotional for me and just overall emotionally taxing. Last night I asked my dad if he talked to my mom about what he and I talked about a couple days before. Which is how serious my eating disorder has gotten and the fact that I need help. A very hard thing that my dad shared with me is that my mom saw my body check pictures that I have saved on my phone.
This is something that I have a hard time grasping because for so long I've tried so hard to keep that side of my disorder hidden. I delete them off my photo stream for a reason to keep that part of myself hidden. To keep my thinness under wraps so I could keep this secrecy that is mine. I have a hard time knowing that that part of me exposed.
It wasn't supposed to come out and it makes me anxious knowing that a little more of my rituals and behaviors are no long my secret anymore. On the other hand I couldn't be more terrified.
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