Black and white thinking. All or nothing. This is what I have been struggling with forever. As long as my ED started really. Tonight was one of those nights. I went to lunch with my dad at a restaurant meaning not the best choices calorie wise. So to my ED it's like "well I already failed so why not fail more" you know?
Part of me hates myself when I allow myself to listen to that voice because I'm doing the thing I've forbidden myself. It's just really hard to not listen to that voice when that's all you really know. It's illogical as hell but it's also been there for me when I needed it the most.
It's not that easy to just not listen even though it will make you feel like shit. I don't know how I'm going to handle lunch during the school day again. I feel like it's wrong. It's weak. It's a lack of willpower. I can wait until I get home at the end of the school day. I feel like it's wrong. It's weak. It's a lack of will power. I can wait until I get home at the end of the school day.
Eating disorders and school is a pain in the ass. ED likes schedules but he always finds a way to make his own rules with that schedule. I always struggle with school lunches. In my head it is the biggest internal struggle.
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