Thursday was an absolute terrible body image day from the title you could probably guess. I couldn't even explain to you how much panic I had when I realized certain body parts touch. I weighed myself that morning and I maintained my weight which is fine that wasn't really a big deal to me. When I was in my car driving to school while I was driving I could feel the vibration of my car while I was going down the road and I noticed that my stomach was somewhat vibrating with the car and I noticed it, kind of freaked out about it but my brother was in the car with me so I couldn't really react.
I don't know if the car vibration triggered my terrible body image throughout the entire day but that's exactly what the result was. During my first class I noticed when I sat down my thighs touched like not just a little bit but they felt like they were overlapping one another when I sat down facing front in the chair. I immediately reacted thank god nonverbally but I swear to god it was like something in my brain switched and from then on until about 3rd hour I could barely even function.
I have body image issues on a regular basis but this was different then I've ever experienced before. From the moment I noticed my ginormous thighs I couldn't face the front of the desks. The rest of the day I feel like I was carefully examining everyone's body and during passing period I saw this girl in a skin tight dress and she was visibly skinny in the dress. Then 2nd hour came and I could barely even handle myself. I literally was shaking I was so anxious about it, it was very close to verging on a panic attack.
My para kept on asking me what was wrong because apparently she could visibly see my internal freak out and I never came out with it because it wasn't necessary. I could barely write I was shaking so much. What was different about this body image freak out and the regular ones I have on a daily basis was I never had a visible reaction to where I could barely function. I never had such bad body image that I was having a panic attack. Yes I have cried multiple times throughout my life because I completely hate my body but not to this heightened level along with the panic attack that followed.
I couldn't even sit in front of the chair the rest of the day because I just couldn't handle looking at my thighs all sprawled out on the chair. I just couldn't do it. I felt better 3rd hour though because my friend was not in the class and I was freaking out so I asked my teacher if I could go find her and she said yes and to be honest it was just to distract myself from my horrible gross body. Walking around the school trying to find her surprisingly made me feel better when we finally walked together back to class.
This might've been a very sporadic rambly and long post I'm sorry!
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