Think of a wish that you would make now...what can be a goal to make that come true?

Right now it's almost 2016 and my goal is a pretty vast one, I have actually 2 long term, broad goals. One of them is more of a hope and a question, what and who will I be when I get out of high school? I've said this to my mom and my therapist before and as I get older and closer to getting out of high school the question is becoming more apparent and a somewhat fear of mine.

I wish that I will do all that I've hoped to do and be successful at everything I do. To get to those goals I know I need to me happy and healthy first and foremost. Apart of me despises being healthy and want to do everything in my power to be and look sick because it's comforting in a way for people to notice my bodies physical changes as where mentally stable I am at. Does that make sense? I don't know how i'll get rid of the complete and earth shattering fear of what being happy and healthy means because in turn that means giving up what I've known for so long. I don't know how to be normal.

I'm not complaining, this is just what I'm thinking. I will touch on this in a later post which will be my time spent in the mental hospital because tonight would be 3 years ago when I was released. I'm terrified of growing up and having a ton of responsibilities on my shoulders. I've always been an independent person but not too the extent of being prepared for adulthood and college life even if it's just community college.

I primarily just hope that one day I am happy and healthy, the rest will eventually follow.