If you could say...

If you could say whatever you REALLY thought and felt and be totally and unafraid of the consequences what would it be and to whom?


To my abuser: 

The way you treated me with people witnessing your evil tricks is sick. The way you treated me was sick and will forever be ingrained in my head, I bet you didn't know your hideous effects left a scar on my soul that will never go away. Have I forgiven? Yes. Have I forgotten? Absolutely not. Your words and actions will be forever remembered. Part of my brain has somewhat forgotten what you did to me because the brain has a fascinating way of "forgetting" the awful events that scum like you cause you thought I would've gotten over it haven't you? No, I've been numbing. Being thin makes me feel like no one will be able to hurt me again. I've succeeded in something that I can control. I can't change witnessing your disgusting soul but I will be forever better than you. I will be thin. Fuck you. I will be thin. Disgusting piece of shit. When you were confronted you walked away. You're a man with no balls admitting to what you've done. Your a pussy that deserves nothing but a title of a disgusting human being. What the fuck did I do? What did I do to deserve all the shit you put me through? I bet if you were here you would stare at me blankly with a deer in the headlights look in your eyes. I know you will never admit to it but I will always remember.

To the people that don't understand my mind: 

You will never understand what I go through in my mind everyday. Part of me is grateful that those who ask or tell me comments like those comments who are like "I wish I could have the self-control you have" because I know they have never been touched by this grueling disease. My blog is basically a documentation of what goes on in my mind everyday so I don't think I have to say it again.


I have more that I could do but I don't want to do them right now. If you want to see more you can comment down below because I won't post them otherwise.