Eating disorders and isolation

I might as well start from the beginning of my ED because it's interesting for me to see how my behaviors/actions have changed throughout the years. My ED quickly resurfaced basically the minute I stepped foot into 8th grade and back then my behaviors started out as just purging my school lunches and it came to the point where I had to go purge no matter how little I ate, I had to; there wasn't any if's, and's, or buts about it.

This was the time where I was more into bingeing and purging more then I am now. *Potential trigger warning* I will always remember at a certain point I would come home I binged and purged a HUGE bag of hershey kisses that lasted awhile, I really don't know why I remember b/ping on that specific food but I do, maybe because it lasted awhile.

The point is the behaviors in and of itself is are so isolating and shameful but there are times where I decline going out to eat with friends or family because I just can't face the fact of actually going through with it, does that make sense? When I got in high school there's more freedom when it comes to rules in the lunchroom, Freshman and Sophomore year I would actually walk around the school for those 30 minutes because none of my friends had the same lunch and instead of pretending like I enjoy the people and their conversations.

Now Junior year we have the freedom of open lunch and now I eat in my car which is awesome because those for those 2 years my school counselor was trying to make me meet people and eat with them and I was not having it which I don't really feel bad about it at all because I'm not going to do something I don't want to do. Also I'm not really fond of socializing and eating in the same sentence and I feel like the whole table is watching me stuff my face and I just hate the fact of both of them at the same time. NO THANK YOU.


I can never say this enough if you're struggling, GET HELP! Don't use food to cope, it ruins your life before you realize that it's not actually fixing the problem. Eating disorders suck! Don't even try it because you'll end up stuck in this web that you will get deeper in and it's a bitch to get out of.