Depression

Depression isn't just being sad, depression is disassociation, numbness feeling like you can't function in your attempt at daily living. I have disassociated many times, one thing that is the most terrifying about disassociation is when when you walk into a room and have no fucking idea how you got there.

It's actually pretty crazy how your brain can still consciously function but another part of your brain can totally be gone. You don't choose depression. You know how much I wish I can just be fucking happy?! Sooo many times but also this is a total mind fuck but the same time I often crave it because it allows me to numb out the world around me when everything is too much.

It's also almost like another person in my head which in a way is comforting when physically you don't really have anyone: friendship or otherwise, in my case it's friendship. It's almost like a really fucked up version of a person if you will in your head basically determining your day and it's so loud in your head that you can't escape.

Depression isn't something to make fun of, it's a mental illness, a disease that shouldn't be accompanied by a joke. I just feel like it's something that I wanted to talk about because I've been struggling with a really bad fit of depression and I don't feel like people understand as much as I think they should or at least try.