" Eating disorders are not just skipping meals and dropping 20 pounds in a month. Eating disorders are not something you order on the side with the rest of your life. They become your life. They infect every aspect of your existence in ways you never really notice until it's happening. An eating disorder is silently hating your parents when they bring home food you used to love and forgetting how to make proper meals for others, because you haven't had one in ages. It's somehow ending up on a dieting website, scrolling through it's pages at 2 a.m. It's just passing the time until you're allowed to eat again every single day. It's coming to the conclusion that you have to lose 3 pounds whenever a problem arises. It's delaying plans with people you haven't seen in awhile because you haven't lost enough weight since the last time you saw them. It's numbers numbers numbers, swimming through your mind 24/7, they're your first thought in the morning and last before you fall asleep. It's hating yourself because you didn't wake up because your mom says you're healthy. It's the difference between a good day and a horrible day being a few calories. It's bathroom that smell like vomit, a loss of purpose, and dignity. It's emptiness, crippling self hate, and shame. It's not glamorous or tragically beautiful, it's a demon that creates a home in your head and won't leave until you die."
A lot of this I related to and I think of myself saying those words and it was kind of nice to see them being felt by other people put into writing.
I'm really having a hard time physically at the moment, I've been getting shaky a lot and have been becoming very fatigued and weak and it honestly kind of makes me scared and really sad because even if I'm having these physical problems, I don't think anything will be able to stop me from doing destructive things to myself.
It really sucks, I'm not really sure what to do about it...
1. Why can't I just be normal?
2. When will I finally be skinny?
3. Help
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