Eating disorders and relationships

I have a boyfriend now and obviously that takes a lot of time which I'm not complaining at all but it's hard for me to get used to. I'm now more social which I appreciate so much but with that comes unknown situations such as unknown food, restaurants etc. which obviously those with eating disorders or any sort of eating problems cause high anxiety.

My boyfriend loves to eat and most of our dates consist of restaurants. This weekend for Valentine's Day we're going to a restaurant that we've been to before and the food is pretty much all fried but I have to say I do like their food to be honest but that doesn't mean my anxiety is less before, during or after the meal.

He tells me how much he loves and misses me and how sexy I am multiple times a day. He actually said the word sexy and I don't know how to respond to those types of comments. I love him for it and I know he means it too and I guess that's what shocks me the most. I wish there was a specific invention where insecure people would be able to see what others perceive to see in you because i would pay a lot of money for that magical invention.

Now let me clarify, when i look in the mirror i don't see "fat" that i need to get rid of. When i look in the mirror i don't cry because i see "fat". I cry because it seems like i'm never good enough for the mirror. There's always parts i want to change or get toned up. There are moments when i glance in the mirror and think i'm thin and i look pretty damn good like when i'm getting ready to go out with friends or something. The problems is when i stare too closely for too long is when the voice comes out of it's shell saying "thinner, you need to be thinner".

I rarely think overweight when i look in the mirror but there's always room to look better if that makes sense. I hope i'm making sense. I actually told my mom about a week ago what i said earlier that there needs to be an invention of seeing yourself how others see you and she said that i'm harder on myself than i give myself credit for and i know that. I just wish it wasn't that way. Anyway i love my boyfriend and everyone wants a relationship that is unconditional or have someone who loves you besides your family members but that doesn't stop the eating disorder. If anything it gets stronger to try to sustain your goal.

I actually wrote this awhile ago i just forgot i had it in my drafts :)