The world against me

Here i am once again all alone...

I feel like a pile of shit of dog shit on the side of the road just waiting to be run over while i disintegrate into the ground where no one can hurt me.

The world is dangerous, nothing is on my side. When my life is for once decent, it always finds a way to make my very rare contentment fade away where i'm back at square one for the millionth time. I don't know where to go from here, i'm forever afraid of being connected with somebody because they always find out who i really am and only two people in my life have accepted my uniqueness and seen past my insecurities and have stuck by me through thick and thin and i can't even tell you grateful i am to have those people in my life.

It's also difficult when when those people have moved and you suddenly realize you have to find people as rare as they are, a clone of my best friends because those are the personalities i feel safest being myself around. I say rare because i haven't met anyone like that since i met them, 4 years ago. So much has happened in those 4 years and most of them have Erin and Savannah in them.
Nothing is how it used to be and that's a really scary feeling. All i am is nothing but kind to people and at the beginning of this year i felt accepted by a few people in my grade and it was the first time since Erin moved where i had hope that everything would work out and i can find a new identity without her and make new friends with just my personality being the reason they like me, not just to slide into a crowd and hope they recognize me as something important.

I just want someone who is a genuine friend and that is in my state and doesn't leave once i get close to them.

Those people are really hard to find.