I've experienced my first holiday this year Thanksgiving and it was somewhat overwhelming but i ate what i could and i have to say i did freak out afterwards and wanted to throw up but i didn't but instead i barely ate yesterday. My mom does black Friday shopping every year and so she was gone most of the day so i didn't have to eat and i actually was sitting most of the day on my phone and watching videos but once i got up i felt really dizzy. Around 4:30 i ended up eating something and we had chicken pot pie and leftovers of my moms mashed potatoes :) i love chicken pot pie! :)
This might sound really weird but watching my brothers eat throughout the day yesterday actually fascinated me and what they were eating i memorized the calories of and it was weird seeing normal people eat normally the next day after a big thanksgiving dinner. I never could imagine myself eating normally after a big holiday meal. My aunt asked me if i wanted to go to lunch with her, my cousins and my mom while they were out black Friday shopping and i said sure but on the inside i wanted to cry. How could you even think about lunch after having all of the fatty foods we had today? That's what i thought in my head. Thankfully we didn't have enough time to go because they were to busy being crazy shopping ladies :)
I'm really anxious for Christmas because my cousins are staying here for almost the whole break and they eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with snacks in between like normal people and i don't know how i'll handle that for 2 whole weeks. It gives me anxiety just thinking about it.
This is the first year since i've had problems with eating that i've actually felt high anxiety over the food/family maybe because alot in my family has changed or my eating problems have gotten worse or the combination of the two. I don't know.
I'm trying to remind myself that the holidays are about being with your family and that's what i'm trying to focus throughout the holiday season.
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