September 8th

Quote- "One of the reasons i was so unhappy for years is that i never embraced my emotions and i was trying to stay in control"

Demi's words- I didn't realize at the time that in my desperate attempt to stay in control of my life i was losing more and more of myself in the process. My addictions gave me a false sense of control. I was in too deep to understand that each day i was getting farther and using my addictions to numb and my suffering. When i first got help i felt completely out of control because i no longer had anything to hide behind and i hated that feeling. I didn't understand that i needed to surrender my power to something bigger. I am so thankful today that i let everything out and asked for the help that i needed.

Goal- When someone asks how you are, don't say fine-tell them how you really feel.


I have a really hard time expressing how i'm really feeling i think because i feel like i don't want anyone to worry about me and sometimes i don't even feel worthy of being worried about if that makes sense. That's also why i'm so entrenched in this eating disorder is because exactly what Demi says "it gave me a false sense of control". It gives me a false sense of control because at first you think you have all the control in the world and you have everything in control but then you realize when you act on behaviors more frequently you realize that you no longer have control because you become dependent on them. I don't think anyone can recover on their own because at least for me i have realized that this disease is much bigger than me and i need help to retrain my brain and my body to operate normally and i know i will never be free of this but at least i have the tools to manage living a healthy life without an eating disorder.