Okay so my cousin got married on Saturday! It was so beautiful and she was beautiful, her dress was white and simple but with diamonds on it. It was strapless for the ceremony and she put straps on for the reception, it was beautiful either way! The wedding and reception was really fun to spend time with family and see people who I haven't seen in a while as well as new people! I really love Marcus, my cousin carries husband, gels really nice and they're a good match for sure. The venue was amazing too it's actually my other cousins boyfriends parents like ranch or something I'm not totally sure and it's huge, we went 2 years ago for 4th of July and it was awesome! I overheard someone saying it will possibly be turned into a business?? I think that's a really cool idea because it's a really pretty place!
I didn't have school on Monday because it was inservice day so my brothers and I were on our own for the day. They both had friends over last weekend and it does make me jealous and a little but sad that I don't have good enough relationships with people that I talk with at school to consider them friends.
I'm kindof scared that I won't find the person I'm looking for. The thing is with all my friends that have moved I've always had a backup but now I don't have anyone and I feel lonely. I know that I will find someone similar it's just hard because I'm scared to even be close friends with anyone because they always end up leaving. I know I should have friends and I need friends I just don't know when or how. I'm trying though. I'm putting myself out there somewhat. So I guess that counts a little bit.
I have therapy on Thursday with the therapist I had before the ED specialist. I really like him, he's the only therapist who has actually listened and seems to genuinely care about me and I feel a more of a connection with him than the others. I'm a little bit nervous because the ED specialist, whenever I told her the truth she blew it out of proportion and made it seem like I was on deaths door. Then she started blaming my mom?? No honey that's not how it works. Anyway talking about it gets me fired up! So yeah I'm scared to be completely honest because of what happened. I know how George approaches things but still it makes me nervous.
I'm not really allowing that to get in my head though because I don't want to accuse or assume that George is going to do the same thing because i know he very well possibly won't, it just makes me nervous to be completely honest about my behaviors and how I'm feeling. But it would be wasting my money to not be honest so I'm going to try to get past that fear because I know him well and stuff. I just hope it goes well.
I don't even know what he'll ask me or anything, it's been forever since I've seen him and I don't even know where to start. I'm also kindof nervous for the accountability but at the same time relieved because for about 3 months I haven't has really any accountability and now I'll have to tell someone how I'm really feeling and what I'm really doing and I don't know it's just weird.
I'm acting like this is my first therapy session with him. I'm overreacting i think. Whatever I hope it goes well.
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