You're nothing
I hope you know
you're not worth my words
as you killed me
with yours
you don't deserve
my words
just look at my body
Reflections
are amazing
but oh so very sad
thoughts swirling
reflections
Laughing uncontrollably
feeling the love
blooming like flowers
as bright as the sun
friends
brighten your day
when you need
to get out of the dark
Save me from plummeting
don't want to go
please help me
i'm falling slowly
Part of me
is broken beyond repair
no repairing
the damage
that has already begun
part of me is hidden
where my demons
tip toe and whisper
when i'm alone
they pounce
just a matter of time
Applause
the crowd goes wild
for their children to perform
a flawless routine
"This is my daughter, the cheerleader"
they say
enjoy it now
you never know
when your "cheerleader", "athlete" title
will be ripped away
by words of poison
Applause
chanting "Demi", "Demi"
you are my nightingale
singing voice of an angel
lovatic's screaming
for their idol
to step onto the stage
Demi will always be there
her love is like a star
I don't wanna break
without you standing right there
telling me it will all be okay
I don't wanna break
all alone
I don't wanna break
in your arms
Demi's love
is like a star
she's always there
she's our warrior
when we don't have armor
Scared of losing
what I want the most
to be thin
to have control
i'm not loving this
but i'm not ready to give it up
i'm not ready to let go of ED
What are you doing to me?
you're evil
but also my lover
I can't tell
I hate you, please don't leave me
Winter girl
i'm a wintergirl
I don't know
what you are doing
is evil
go away
go away
You're not even worth it
you're scaring me
I don't want your grip on me
hunger consumes me
I don't understand
why I crave you so much
I don't understand
why you'll be with me forever
why am I who you want?
The devil is in your ear
by your side
the devil is strong
and so incredibly evil
it's really scary
being watched
24/7
if I disobey
or do something wrong
i'm scared of being filled
with poisin
having me
splattered
all over the walls
People ask
do you want to recover?
it's complicated
I say
no one will understand
unless they go through
this hell themselves
innocent souls damaged
hearts broken
bones deranged
you will never understand
what it's like
with the devil
attached to your hip
Babies screaming
trying to attain their needs
while trying to console myself
you can't take care
of another human being
when you can't even feed yourself
emotionally unstable
i'm sorry
Tired
tired of being sick
tired of being tired
tired of being weighed down
by the weight of the world
i'm sick and tired
of being imperfect
i'm sorry
I don't understand it myself
Scared of love
scared of hate
don't deal in lies
can't handle
another loss
go away
before I leave you first
Doors clank
keys jingle
walk into a room
scared to death
this is when i'm a physco
Final destination the psychiatric ward
Moments of silence
quiet
lost in my destructive mind
thinking about what happened
scared
of what will happen next
can't get out of my mind
Ana's in my head
raging at my rational mind
fighting a world war 3
about to explode
in my brain
thoughts please go away
I can't stand each day
with you by my side
Internal war
in my mind
all day
every day
have to obey ED
or something bad will happen
orders to obey
numbers to calculate
miles to run
food to either throw away
or scarf down
in a certain amount of time
have to obey him
can't risk
something terrible happening
way easier
to give in
thoughts running through my mind
body checking
standing
looking at my grotesquely
obese figure staring back at me
crying at my revolting body
No one can change
the connection we had
I feel guilty
I didn't say I love you
before your body
turned to ash
I want you to know
I love you
for eternity
I always do
I always will
people surround me
content with the people I've encountered
these people who I can say
now are friends
knowing that I have human interaction
keeps me calm
keeps me still
keeps me from drowning
in isolation
Counting calories
counting seconds
minutes left to run
bites to eat
hold my mouth closed
from food
of all things
not allowed
not allowed a lot of things
there's demons, demons
in my brain
evil, all evil
surrounding me
locking me in a cage
of silence and isolation
I wish I could do what you wish
I really do
i'm desperately sorry
I can't help it
leave me alone
ED's in control
this isn't your little girl
it's ED who has
sucked me in
never letting go
go away
I wonder
what everyone else
says about their bodies
without an ED of course
brains who aren't poisoned
mind isn't controlled by food and evil
I wonder
what it's like
to not have to engage
in ED's world
where i'm stuck in a bouncy castle
one minutes up
another down
one second trying to break free
another being flung backwards
by Ana and Mia
where they destroy young souls
don't let them take your children
it turns them
into monsters
that can never be redeemed
My words
not my words
my eyes
not my eyes
my soul
definitely not mine
I've turned into ED
call me Ana and Mia
that's what I've been become
Want to cut
want to feel
so much for trying
my demons
can't be trapped any longer
they need to play
but don't worry
they always come back
when they're hungry for the blade
I'm scared
my past life has risen
once again
i'm scared
of losing another human
who can put up with me
stuck in a spiral
thoughts drown me
leaving me shaking and confused
need closure
that this isn't what I think it is
too much in every which way
I don't know what to say
i'm sorry
I don't want to rip your hand
out of mine
we're meant to be
attached to the hip
like we always were
i'm sorry
I understand
if you don't want to be seen
with the crazy girl
with scarred arms
I know
all I can say is i'm sorry
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