You're my god
as if i'll go to hell
I follow you like the ten commandments
except yours is different
the thin commandments
is what I follow
please be my nightingale
need to know
that you'll always be there
nothing can replace
you and me
i'll think of you everyday
even though I understand if you don't think of me
Numbing from the sting of life
Neosporin is the razor
the band aid is the blood
anestisha is working
numbing from the loneliness of life
All alone
people have left me
faster than I could speak
i'm scared
i'll never find someone like you
so far no luck
please remember me
as much as I will remember you
Love me
love me not
I don't blame you
I would say no too
Razor sliced at your skin
the sting is like waking up from surgery
a reassurance that you're alive
Cutting is my escape
from this fucked up world
hurt more times than one
heartbroken time and time again
starved from familiar faces
scarred from life
malnourished from human interaction
no one wants to be around the girl who cuts herself
"eww gross" you say
none taken, I know
i'm gross
so much more
i'm disgusting
that's why people never stay
they leave before I get to explain
people always leave
starving for solid friends
I need my sister here
I want my original friends here
much more solid
alone here
second guessing
the choices I've made
people I've met
tears roll down my face
another one leaves
I need nourishment from the ones that love me the most
I came across a poem of mine that is personal and i'm not going to share it.
Devastated being
has lost her way
broken and bruised
scarred beyond words
feel so alone
with my secret that I keep so hidden
locked in a cage
my attackers aren't animals
they're demons
chewing up my soul
spitting it out in a pile of blood
murphy
is poisoned by demons
she won't let go
she trapped her
in a cage so dark
she looked invisible
stop trying to understand
you never will
digging deeper and deeper
you soon find your shovel stuck
trying to get into my world
you find a sign that says
"Caution ED doesn't want you here"
scarred arms
chewed nails
fat drooping
poison fills my veins
so broken I can't explain
heart pounding
hands shaking
want this to end
can trust no one
Leave me be
to my secret world
alone with my demons
invisible friends
i'm sorry i'm not perfect
I wish I could be what you wish
state of longing
I don't know where to go
maybe this is how i'm supposed to be
imperfect
unlovable heart and soul
can't remember what it was like before
stop trying to change me
i'm not sick i'm strong
i'm a toxic person
I hate myself
you don't understand
I want to crawl into a hole
i'm embarrassed of myself
nobody likes eme
everyone fuck off
undeserving souls
scattered around like roaches
Don't want you
my hearts broken enough
I don't need you
undeserving souls
Anxiety
over food
over people
over everything
everyone
myself
can't get away
from the crippling anxiety
over my life
Halloween
supposed to be a kids holiday
instead it's ED's
binge and purge fest
cycle continues
now way to get out
lost in the waves of destruction
it's secretive
locked and chained doors
only ED's sons and daughters can get in
you can't save me
ED has bolted the doors
he has the control
Addicted to bones
addicted to scars
addicted to self-destruction
can't find my way out of the darkness
running from myself
while the young girl
had tears in her eyes
scared of the girl
staring back at her
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