Therapy appointment

Hi everyone! As i said a couple posts ago that i was going to update after my therapy appointment and that was yesterday and it went really well. I'm glad that i switched back and my mom was skeptical about it at first from what happened but she's happy with my decision to go back :)

He asked me the question "Why do you want to be thin?" and i said that there are various answers to that. It depends on the situation to be honest, sometimes i want to be thin because of this reason and another i want to be thin for a total different reason. It's complicated and i don't even know how to formulate it into words. Talking about my eating habits is really hard for me, i don't know why. He's pretty good at detecting if i'm trying to cover up my answers by a simpler one. I kind of like that because he's the only therapist i've had and really only person in my life that see's past my vague answers and makes me really think about things.

Sometimes it's stressful and hard, therapy is hard even the short time i was with the ED specialist it was hard. She asked me specific questions about my eating and how i view my body and honestly i realized how little i value myself and how much I think about food. I know it's a good thing it's just hard sometimes even accepting i have a problem because i'm not visibly decaying. Then other times i know this is what i need but it's just hard to come to terms with it.

He tells me every session that i'm like him in someways, we think the same. He understands to a degree with what i'm talking about and he actually listens to me and doesn't think i'm bad shit nuts, maybe he does and he just doesn't tell me. Hell i even think i'm bad shit nuts. I like to think i'm not alone in this, but part of me can't help but feel like i am. Because if i tell anyone in my personal life they'll think i'm absolutely crazy for thinking the way i do and disown me or something crazy or maybe i'm just paranoid. I don't know. My tumblr followers and blog followers understand obviously but it's different when you have someone to personally confide in beside your therapist every two weeks. Oh by the way i have a tumblr :) i'll post a link down below. I also have a account on hellpoetry.com it's a poetry based website so i'll post that down below too.

He told me at the end of the session that he would like to see my food journal. (Myfitnesspal on my phone) he's not really forcing me but by asking me means he wants to see it. I'm scared that he'll think i'm eating too much and seeing how much i eat of things i don't know. It's nerve racking and even though for the past week i've been eating under 1000 calories i'm still scared that he'll see what i'm eating and think "well no wonder she hasn't lost weight". I've lost about 3 pounds this past week i'm now 94.3. It's optional but still it freaks me out a little bit.

There's my update and my links for the sites will be below :)

Tumblr: ultrademilove.com (I only reblog/like things. I have a link to my blog on my tumblr but i don't have a link to my tumblr on my blog)

Hellopoetry: Hellopoetry.com/Murphy-lynne