poems i've written recently

Forever waiting

To find comfort

In the scale

Going down

Forever going down

Or staying just the same

Waiting for someone

To see evidence

Of my prolonging pain

Food is a sin 

Hunger is a gift

Evidence of my soul

That is shattered

Beyond repair

Food can wait

More than my heart can

Handle this crippling

Depression

That won't go away 

One moment

One fleeting idea

One action

Is all it took

For me to realize

I need more

One thought of control

Three years go by

You don't even realize it

You've been numb for too long

Now, when you feel ashamed

Of eating 50 calories

Above you're "limit"

You've set for the day

Only then will you realize

This is controlling me now

Can't get out of this torture 

I want to cry

I want to cry in frustration

I want to cry for food

I'm hungry

I can't eat 

I'm scared

I have succeeded yet

In this disease

Because there is no visible 

Evidence of hungry soul

Months after months

Years after years 

Go by

Filled with nothing

But food 

Dominated by it's utter existence 

Sense of need

Thinking your invincible

Until you're being threatened treatment

I'm not weak

I'm strong 

Crazy humans

All around

How can i trust?

When everyone

Flips like a dime

Two sides of them

Never the same 

Today i have consumed

460 calories

Of disgusting layers

Of chewy flavorless

Fat and unnecessary calories

Sitting in my stomach

Containing fat and so much more

On my "healthy" body

As most say

I'm not healthy in the slightest

I'm weak

For letting hunger power

Me into eating

Which is unnecessary and weak 

Everyone describes my body as

"Healthy"

Don't you see?

I want to be light as a feather

Nothing more

Nothing less