The songs called love is louder by Cameron Ernest and he's a singer/motivational speaker and the first time I came across this song was in 7th grade when he came to our school to speak about bullying which is what the songs about and basically rising above it, At that point in time I was really struggling with bullies among many other things such as just my mental sanity in general and when I heard that song for the first time, I really resonated with it and I listened to it religiously because it explained really well how I was feeling.
7th grade was a really really hard time for me and today I was just going through some music and for more than 2 years I haven't listened to this song and randomly came across it and It was actually kind of overwhelming to hear that song again not just because of the song because all it resembles.
I do remember little bits and pieces of middle school and how miserable I was and it makes me really sad and anxious remembering that time in my life. It was the time in my life where I was in a really bad place emotionally and going through severe bullying and being emotionally abused.
In my case the bullying that occurred and the emotional abuse that occurred are very different problems in my life, for me personally. I don't really fully understand the difference between the two but I do know that there is a difference, at least I think so. For me the bullying affected and still effects me by how I react or don't react in certain social situations because I've never been able to fit in. I was emotionally abused by an adult and it went on for quite a while, specifically 9 months and at the time I didn't think what he was doing wrong, I thought it was the truth and what I needed to hear because I thought I deserved it.
Everyone that knows the story categorizes as emotional/mental abuse and looking back on it, it defenitely was. I totally got off track, this song Love is Louder brought up a lot of emotions and caused flashbacks from my past that I pushed down and how I chose to deal with it was with food and focusing on food was my way of numbing if you will the horribleness of those couple of years.
I had some of my lowest points in middle school and those can never be reversed but I have to admit, I'm so proud of myself for actually getting through it, I really thought I wouldn't make it to my 8th grade graduation because it was just so awful and during that time I got put in a mental hospital for suicidal thoughts and if it wasn't for my parents intervening I defenitely think I would have tried. I really am proud of myself for how far I've come but I also realize how far I have to go.
I have my story up on here, you can just search "my story" or something like that in the archives and it should come up but if any of you want to know specifics about a certain point in my life I will be happy to share it with you guys, I'm not ashamed of my past, I'm actually very proud to say that even though I do have more struggles then I did back then, I have more mental strength than I ever thought possible.
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